I'm bored at home. I wanna go out. BUT... Everyone has a life but me! Haha. On the phone with Dawn now. Woman just got back from school after exams and she wants to go clubbing tomorrow. Apparantly my chatterbox doesn't work. Don't ask why. It's just screwed up like me. Lol. Deciding between SOS/Embassy/Liquid now. Hmmms, I dunno. I'm kinda broke now. I don't know if I should be clubbing at this point with those people. Don't want em screwing up big time. Ah well.

Cheryl's been doing absolutely nothing since yesterday. Ching just left an hour ago. I finally got rid of a piece of junk in my house -- my FIRST bowling ball. Hhaha. Well, it's been sitting around and collecting dust and since I gave away the other 2, I don't see why I should be keeping this one if I'm not bowling anymore. Lol.

Sitting around now on the line with Dawn, we're cutting down. But it's damn hard. I feel so weak now, I just hope I stick to the plan for today and not give in to temptation. It's real strong. Argh!!! Help!! I hate fighting myself. Everyday it's a heated internal debate with myself over tons and tons of stuff. Decisions and the hot topic right now -- Self Control! Blah blah blah

-

Val>>> Yeah, that songs rocks balls!! And yeah she looks hella good man. No kidding. you really looked good :))

Sha>>> Yup, that's the Jas we all know ;D

Carlos>>> You idiot! Why the hell did you tell her that? Seesh. I'm so gonna murder you tomorrow IF I do see you!! Haha. Cheers hottie!

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 17:20 *-- [.//cry out**]

Talked to Jas for a really long time just now. Met her after bible study, went to starbucks and pretty much just dumped all my shit on her. Really appreciate it. She just sat there and comforted me. I'm glad to have someone there when I'm at my weakest. I guess I'm one of the weakest person I know of. And I've given in to alot of temptations these few weeks. I'm just praying that God will give me strength to overcome all this. And yes, I'm finally admitting to this. Outwardly admitting to my weaknesses and not hide them anymore.

I feel so guilty. I've been feeling so resentful lately. Feelings of resentment towards my dad and myself! Resenting my dad for being happy for himself when he thinks he's being happy for me. Okay, I know no one knows what I'm talking about but yeah. So what if he gives me what I want materially?! I'm heading towards a future where I don't wanna go to. All these material possessions won't make up for losing my dreams. Yes, I admit, I do play a part in that. I should've worked harder. But what's done is done and I shouldn't resent my dad for being so happy about something I'm really unhappy about.

As for everything that's been going on between me and him, I guess I'm just gonna let it be. In a sense that I'm just gonna leave him to his space and time and just continue waiting here silently. No pointin giving him anymore added pressure and stress. I mean I just want this to work out so much. I just want him to feel comfortable with me. So yeah

Well, I'm just thankful that I've been graced with a buncha people I can call my friends. And you guys are people I can totally put all my trust in. Thank God for each and every single one of you. Though I may not say this enough, I love each one of you in spite of your flaws and everything ok?

-

Jas>>> Hey babe. If you're reading this, thank you so much for hearing me out and for being there! And I'm so thankful that He brought you into my life. You've been great all these years :)) Love ya babe +hugs+

I love each and everyone of you guys. Those taking exams, ALL THE BEST and have faith. You'll get through it fine =D Those going through rough times, have faith too! And my cell's 24/7, 365 days a year. Those who're really happy and all, I'm glad for you people. It's great to see that you guys are doing fine and are happy.

*you>>> If you're reading this, I just hope you're doing ok and not are not too stressed out about school and all. I hope I didn't pressure you too much when I called. Just want you to know that I'm waiting here and that no matter what happens, my heart still beats for you. Take care and I love you! +hugs+

Some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby, if I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings, some just want everything
But everything means nothing if I ain't got you, yeah

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 01:05 *-- [.//cry out**]

I'm bored at home. Having the flu sucks. Just realized something. Going through all my unpublished entries, blogs, journal, folders. I've been writing alot. Feelings, thoughts and just plain crap. But it's good in a way. Oh well.

I have lotsa things to say about a certain matter. But somehow I think it's better if I kept my mouth shut. Somehow, things get worse everytime I try talking about it. Yeah, so I suppose I shall shut up and just continue writing and writing. Hmmm, I reckon I should write more in my journal. Practice my handwriting? Hahah. Since Dawn says it's getting worse cause I haven't written anything in like ages. For now...

Oh and I'm sorry if I've been bugging *you. I won't anymore.

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 19:56 *-- [.//cry out**]

Is this act I'm putting on even worth it?! Will I really be stronger inside through this? Can't fool myself though I'm fooling everyone else. Read my unpublished entries. They don't make any sense to me. They just cry out for help. Ha! Nothing really new if you know me well enough. Then again, I don't think anyone knows me well enough cause even I don't know myself. What crap. Okay, I shall just attribute all these to my flu and pms.

-

Mel>>> I miss you!! Don't worry, I'll run up like huge phonebills from here to malaysia. Haha.

Dawn>>> It's just finals. You'll make it through, have faith girlfriend! Love ya hon!!

Carlos>>> Thanks dude. Can you please start studying and stop calling me up in the middle of the night. Hahah. Take care and I'll see you soon!

Sha>>> Yes yes, go ahead and make me jealous +acts nonchalant+ Haha. It's okay, I get to see that cute lecturer when school starts. Haha

Mirah>>> I'm happy for you babe! He's so sweet. Haha. Cherish every moment you have yea?? +huggies+

It's cruel
The way I'm needing you
Guess I'll play the fool
It's my heart
And my mind
And it's taking over
Cruel, suddenly it's true
No longer can I choose
It's in you I'm defined and there is no other

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 17:53 *-- [.//cry out**]

I like my hair now. It was like real straight just now but now it has this cute kink to it. Hahah. Okay, I'm just rambling and all.

I hate it when I'm bored and sick. Thinking of something to do but there's really nothing much you can do when your stupid nose feels like it's gonna drop off soon and your throat feels like you've swallowed a whole stuffed, furry toy!!! I can't wait for school to start! I don't wanna stay at home and rot anymore. It sucks. I hate it. Oh june 28th, please come soon! Everyone must think I'm crazy.

Was in town today. Twas absolutely dead there. I don't know what I'm doing out when I'm sick. Ah well. Ker's an absolute darling. She walked all the way from the starbucks at wheelock to the one across from cine just cause I was sick and was at heeren. That darling didn't want me walking around too much and getting sick.

Ker>>> Girl, you're sucha darling. Thanks babe. Yes yes, we will go for more coffee around our area. Heh. Talk soon. Love ya

Sha>>> Yeah!! It's so nice and meaningful man. You're one lucky girl! School has started and now you have something to do. Hahah. Ignore me, I'm crazy

Su>>> Heyya baby girl! Okay, maybe not. Ah well. I miss you dearie! You so gotta end those exams and all soon. I'm dying without you. Lol. Take care sugar +huggies+

Paul>>> I miss you my darling. I don't think you'll read this but I just hope you're doing fine. No matter what, I still love you ok baby?

I am so alone
And I can't stand this feeling of being without you
Yes I'll do
Whatever it takes to prove I truly love you baby
Don't let me go and
Let's stay together, forever and ever
Can't sleep without you by my side, help me baby

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 20:37 *-- [.//cry out**]

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 18:22 *-- [.//cry out**]

I'm bored. Very very bored and broke. Currently sitting in Dawn's balcony. Doing absolutely nothing at all. Just staring at the stupid apartments across from us. Hahah. And that woman's a chimney, I tell you. My goodness. She hasn't stopped smoking since I got here like an hour ago? Seesh.

Cheryl wants her wireless. Badly!! +sighs+ I'll only get it like next week?! That's long. For someone with no life. Anyways, went to esplanade yesterday to meet Ching for dinner. Max brennars *or is it brennas?* Whatever it is, rocks balls! Lol. Ok maybe cause I was having a sugar rush. Yesterday was a whole day of desserts. Lunch was NYDC cheesecake and dinner was MB! :P

And I'm broke! Cause of fri night. The one and only reason why I hate clubbing. Cause I tend to go broke??! I miss dancing at clubs. Been drinking like a bottomless barrel. Bleah. Oh well, I guess I won't be able to do that no more cause my beloveds are leaving this summer. After school ends. +sobs sobs+ No more Dawn, no more Carlos, no more J, no more Luke, no more Isaac, no more Davin, no more Tanya!!! AhhhhHhhhHHHhhhh. Which means only me, Su and Ker are left! *open the floodgates*

Haha. I'm nuts. Yes yes. That's only cause I'm real bored. Well, that and me missing someone like crazy! Oh well.

Everyone's studying for exams and I'm just staring at the damn apartments. +sighs+ I need to do something. But what? I hate my life right now. It's not much of a life I have right here. But oh well. Ah, I shall just go off right now. Tata

Btw, I'm like totally in love with this cam

.//cry out**]

Oh my goodness. I think I'm gonna die soon. I've been awake for 24 hours. Met Dawn and co yesterday at liquid. But no one was in the mood for much drinking. So we ended up just having like shots and shots and shots. Went over to Sempang for supper. Bleah. And ALL the way back to Dawn's place. We are people with too much money to spend. Hahah. Ah well, I just got back from Dawn's place. Real tired. Falling asleep soon.

Deciding whether or not to go for the VJC funfair. According to Caryn, it's pretty happening. Oh I dunno. I can't think now. I gotta head down to town in a bit to get some stuff. So I dunno

There are some things I just wanna get off my chest. But this ain't a good place to do it I guess. I dunno. Can't really think straight right now. Ahh! I miss him so much!! +sighs+

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 12:43 *-- [.//cry out**]